How do you get over a crush on someone who doesn't feel the same way?
Mostly by giving it less of your attention, and letting yourself be sad about it in the meantime. A crush that is not returned, whether they said no or nothing ever happened, can take up a surprising share of your day. It tends to ease when you step back from the contact and checking that keep it going, stop reading small moments as signs, and let yourself grieve the story that played out mostly in your head. It also helps to look at what attracted you, because that says something real about what you want.
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Why it takes so much room
A one-sided crush can be all-consuming. You might think about them as soon as you wake, replay a two-minute conversation all afternoon, take the long way past their desk, or read their messages again for hidden warmth. Some people picture whole futures with someone they have barely spent an evening with. None of that is foolish. It is a common way for strong feelings to behave.
Often, part of what keeps it so bright is how little you actually know. With few real facts to work with, imagination fills in the rest, and the person in your head can be kinder, funnier and more interested in you than anyone could be. Seeing that the feeling is partly about a story, not only about them, can loosen its hold.
Stepping back without drama
If they told you no, take it as their answer and do not ask again or try to change their mind. Then give yourself distance where you can. That might mean muting their posts, not starting conversations for a while, sitting with different people at lunch, or skipping the extra coffee you used to suggest. You do not need to announce any of it, and it is not a punishment, only room for you to recover.
When you cannot avoid them, because they sit near you at work, share your friend group or take the same class, aim for friendly and brief. Keep conversations about ordinary things, keep plans in groups, and do not engineer time alone together. Staying warm in the moment while you stop seeking them out is not the same as going cold, and it is kinder to both of you. Nobody else needs to know why.
Stop waiting for a sign
A crush can turn you into a detective. A smile, a slow reply, a "we should get lunch sometime" can each start a fresh round of hope, and each round tends to set you back. If they have said no, the signs you notice afterward are far more likely to be ordinary friendliness, and treating them as anything more keeps you stuck.
If nothing was ever said, the not-knowing can be the hardest part. You can decide to ask once, plainly, and take whatever answer comes, or decide that you do not need to know and let it go. If you are their manager, teacher or landlord, letting it go is the better choice, since they may not feel free to turn you down. Either way the waiting ends, while collecting clues indefinitely tends to prolong it.
Grieving what never happened
Letting go of a crush often means letting go of a whole imagined future: the first date you planned in detail, the trips, the version of yourself who was chosen by them. It makes sense to mourn that, even though it never existed outside your head. Marking the end in a small way can help, such as deleting the message you drafted and never sent, or putting away the gift you were saving.
Expect the feeling to fade unevenly. A good week can be followed by a day when one glance brings it all back, and that is not a sign you are failing. For many people each setback is a little shorter than the last, especially while they keep their distance and keep their days full. If months pass and it still crowds out everything else, or it has brought on a low mood that will not lift, a therapist can help.
What the crush can tell you
A crush is also information. Try listing what drew you to this person: the way they listened, their ease with strangers, the work they care about, how they made you laugh. Those are qualities you may want in someone who wants you back, and noticing them can make the next connection easier to recognize.
Notice, too, whether their being out of reach was part of the appeal: already with someone, uninterested, or simply hard to read. If unavailable people tend to be the ones you fall for, that is worth knowing. Then put some of the energy the crush was taking back into your own life, such as a plan with friends, a project you have been putting off, or somewhere new where you might meet someone who feels the same way about you.
This guide is for reflection and general information. It is not a diagnosis, and it is not a substitute for talking with a licensed professional.