Long-Distance Relationship Viability Questionnaire

Who it is for

This is for the couple who have been living at a distance a while and can't tell whether it's working or just continuing — where the calls are fine, nothing is obviously wrong, and the arrangement carries on being the arrangement. It's for the person who has started to notice what it costs, and for the one who would rather look at the practical side of it squarely than take one more reading of how they feel. It assumes the distance is already underway: the subject is a separation you are currently living in, not one you are considering. And distance has to be the hard part — if what you are really weighing is the relationship itself, this isn't the right one.

What you get out of it

Fifteen sections that move from the parts of distance you already worry about to the parts that quietly decide it, ending on Where You Actually Stand. What you leave with is specific rather than general: a clearer account of the arrangement itself, separate from how the two of you feel about each other.

• It opens on communication and trust — how you talk when talking is most of what you have, and trust without the ability to verify. Those are the first two sections, Communication Across Distance and Trust & Reassurance While Apart.
• The Timeline and the Plan to Close the Distance is the section most of this turns on — a full section given over to how the distance is meant to end, placed third, ahead of the constraints that bear on it.
• Four sections on what doesn't move for love: children and custody, extended family and caregiving obligations, financial strain, and practical logistics. They follow the timeline section directly, and they are easier to take one at a time in a list than in an argument.
• Emotional Sustainability & Loneliness, Physical & Intimate Connection Across Distance and Individual Independence During Distance are about what the arrangement costs you personally, and what kind of life you have where you actually are. That is not what a check-in call is for.
• Commitment & Exclusivity Clarity, Contingency Planning and Readiness for Reunification round out the set. The third of those treats the end of the distance as its own subject — being ready for it, rather than simply reaching it.

What’s inside

15 sections, in this order. The first is free.

1. 01Communication Across DistanceFree
2. 02Trust & Reassurance While Apart
3. 03The Timeline and the Plan to Close the Distance
4. 04Children and Custody Considerations
5. 05Extended Family and Caregiving Obligations
6. 06Financial Strain
7. 07Practical Logistics
8. 08Emotional Sustainability & Loneliness
9. 09Physical & Intimate Connection Across Distance
10. 10Contingency Planning
11. 11Individual Independence During Distance
12. 12External Support & Pressure
13. 13Commitment & Exclusivity Clarity
14. 14Readiness for Reunification
15. 15Where You Actually Stand

How it compares

Questions people ask

Will this tell me whether my long-distance relationship will work?

No. It is built for reflection rather than prediction. What it does instead is separate out the parts of the situation that usually get argued about as one thing — commitment, the plan, the constraints coming from outside the relationship, and what the arrangement costs each of you. The final section, Where You Actually Stand, is where you set down where that leaves you, in your own words.

Why does a long-distance questionnaire ask about children, family and money?

Because those are what a plan to close the distance runs into. Four of the fifteen sections cover children and custody, extended family and caregiving obligations, financial strain, and practical logistics — the constraints that don't bend to how much two people want it. Leaving them out would make the rest of it easier to answer and worth less.

We don't have a date for closing the distance yet. Is it too early to take this?

No. A real plan, or the absence of one, is part of what this is about, and the timeline section doesn't assume you already have a date. What does matter is that the distance is already underway: the questionnaire is written for a separation you are currently living in, not one you are still deciding about.

Is this only for couples whose long-distance relationship is in trouble?

No. It is as useful during a stretch that is going well — the arrangement is easier to look at squarely when it isn't the thing you are currently fighting about. The sections on loneliness, independence and outside pressure are worth answering regardless of how things are. The one thing it does take for granted is that the distance is already underway; it isn't built for a separation you are only planning.

How is this different from just having the conversation?

Mostly order and completeness. A conversation goes where it goes; fifteen sections in a fixed order mean every subject comes round, including the ones neither of you would have chosen to open. And it isn't built to be finished in one sitting — each section has a small set of core questions to start with, and more beyond them when you're ready.

The optional AI Analysis

Answering the questionnaire is the part that does the work. The AI Analysis is what you can do afterwards: it reads the answers you wrote and gives them back to you as structured reflection notes — an overview of the whole questionnaire, then one entry for every section you answered. Your unlock includes 3, and it is genuinely optional. Nothing about the questionnaire depends on running one.

Each entry has three parts, and they are doing different jobs rather than restating each other:

What you were clear about

The things your answers state plainly, named back to you in a sentence or two. This is the part people underestimate: a lot of what you know about your relationship is already in what you wrote, and has never been said in one place.

The patterns underneath

What you do repeatedly, rather than what you did once. The same behaviour surfacing in sections you would never have put side by side; an answer near the end sitting against one from the beginning; the thing you circled several times without ever settling it. Where a questionnaire asks you to sum yourself up at the close, the analysis also reads that summary against what your earlier answers actually describe — and says so, gently, when the two do not quite meet.

A few things to sit with

Two to four short prompts. Not instructions, not advice, and not a plan — questions worth carrying into the next week, or into a conversation with someone qualified to have it.

• Each questionnaire has its own analysis prompt, written for it. The five questionnaires do not share one general-purpose instruction with the title swapped. Each has its own, built around what that instrument is actually asking and what its sections are for — so the Stay-or-Go analysis reads for the shape of a decision, and the Long-Distance one reads for whether a plan and a timeline hold up. It is the part of this that took the longest and is the hardest to copy.
• It reads your answers, not your category. What reaches the model is what you wrote, the question each answer belongs to, and the section it sits in — in the order you answered them. There is no profile, no demographics, and nothing about you beyond your own words.
• It is written as reflection notes, not as advice. Considered and unhurried — closer to notes someone made while reading your answers carefully than to anything that answers back. It does not tell you what to do, and it is not a diagnosis.
• Answer only the Core questions and you still get one. The analysis covers what you actually answered, so the shortest honest path through the questionnaire produces a real analysis rather than a thin one.
• You can change your mind. Edit your answers, resubmit, and run it again — each run costs one credit. Resubmitting answers you have not changed costs nothing.
• Your answers reach the model separated from your name and email address. They are stored encrypted, and nobody is reading them alongside your identity to improve anything.
• On a Partner questionnaire you each get your own. Two people can run an analysis on the same set of answers and neither sees the other's — they are generated and stored separately.

Every analysis also carries the questionnaire's own safety note, with its resources, whether or not anything in your answers suggested it was needed. That is deliberate: a resource that only appears when something decides you need it is a resource that can fail to appear.